So, tonight, Rick suggested I go alone to service and it was so refreshing. The worship was really moving, and I felt a gentleness in my spirit that brought me back to a sensitive, patient, calm mother upon my return home. It was again getting close to 8:30 and I promised little ones I would be home to snuggle so I did not get to stay for the entire service, but it was still very refreshing to spend that time with God.
Does any other mother struggle with guilt? Until a few years ago, I would not leave my children, for nearly anything except to go in the hospital to give birth to my babies. I would feel guilt for everything. I felt guilt if I was not playing with them and letting housework go undone, I would feel guilt if I was doing chores and not playing with kids. I would feel guilt to go to the grocery store, to go alone for a haircut, and tonight I felt guilt for leaving them to go to church! Where is that coming from? I am with them almost every minute every day...it is rare when they are not with me, so why do I feel that way? There is no reason for it, but as I was leaving, as I do nearly every time I leave, I look at the house from the road and feel guilt.
It was nice to be a person and not worry about getting kids into car seats and rushing them in from the cold, but I did miss them. Missed their presence with me and was eager to get back to being a Mommy. That's where my heart is!I was rewarded upon my return with lots of love. Madison started out by giving me a baby basket she has been collecting items for a basket with goodies for myself and baby. She said she just couldn't wait till May to give it to me. It is beautiful, and when you read this Ma, thank you for being so thoughtful and what a neat surprise! After Madison's gift, little girls lined up to present their gifts(being whatever they could find.) Claire was next with a bracelet and toy necklace, then Hannah with a poinsetta flower left from Christmas. Meanwhile, Sophie was finishing up her breathing treatment and as soon as she jumped out of my arms she went and gathered her "gift" and it was a gift of a Spider-Man wind-up truck that Pappy let her bring home from his house. The ones 5 and under kept searching for gifts to give me until we finally told them we had to go to bed, it was past bedtime.
I am a blessed woman :-) When was the last time I've been sitting with 3 little girls lined up to give their momma a gift straight from their heart?! It was precious seeing them with such joy as little hands held toys behind their backs in anticipation to give joyfully a surprise to their Momma while the Big Sister laughed and enjoyed it with me.